Corruption

I look at me,

Reflection

In the window

And the eyes

Staring

Back at me

Are not my own.

They are

Afraid

They are

Hiding

They are

Shattered

They belong to the

Girl that I have

Become.

They have

Seen too much to

Continue with

Innocence.

These eyes,

Staring at me,

Have destroyed the

Good girl.

These eyes

Have taken me over.

Unspoken Language

I hear you talking,

But I do not understand

The words.

Yes, you are speaking

English,

But I only

Understand death.

I understand the

Feeling

Of wanting it all

To end.

I understand the

Thoughts that

Scare you into

Hiding.

I understand the pain,

And how it makes

Everything ten times harder.

I understand the

Darkness;

How it consumes

Every part of your day.

I understand the

Loneliness;

How you feel there

Is no one there.

But, I also understand

The need

To let someone in.

I understand the

Urgency

To let someone

Help you,

Help yourself

Resentful Phone Calls

I tell myself to sit down

As I’m walking towards the phone.

I tell myself to put it down

As I punch his number upon the keys.

I tell myself to hang up the phone

As he seems to form the word “hello”.

I tell myself to say “I’m fine”

As I feel the tears roll down my cheek.

I tell myself to convince him otherwise

As he proceeds to ask “What’s wrong?”.

I tell myself that he’s moved on

When he speaks the words “I miss you.”

I tell myself to form the word “Goodbye”

As I say his dreaded words right back.

I tell myself he means to harm

As my heart chimes in…

“give him one last chance”

Love Over Pain

If I could,

I would hold you in my arms

So long I would be buried

With you within me.

If I could,

I would listen to you

Every second until

Until I had listened

To my very last word.

If I could,

I would bring you every

Last storm cloud so you can

Stare out the window as

Lightning attacked the ground

If I could,

I would kiss you

Until my lips gave out and

Began to bleed.

Because that’s what love is, right?

Putting someone else’s

Happiness above your own?

Intricate Lust

This thing we had

Was like a chess match

And I was constantly

Making the first moves.

So, when you would forfeit

In mid game, only to come back

To start off as brand new.

That’s when I knew,

I’m out of first move

To make on you.

To make on you.

Learn to Let Go

I am learning to be alone…

Okay, well…

Maybe It’s not working out the best

But I am learning.

I'm moving on from you,

You're lustful eyes

That I've envied

Since the day we spoke first.

I'm moving on from my past;

All that surrounds it

Is death; natural and intended.

I'm moving on from them;

The looks they handed out

Were like poison on a

Perfect apple.

I'm moving on from where I've been,

All that is, is disappointment

Drawn out into the sand.

But most of all,

Moving on from myself,

All I have become is anxiety

And suicidal thought.

Near Missing

Our love was a never-ending waterfall

Of endless backfiring emotions

And late nigh cry-in-the-shower

appointments.

Out time together was a toxic

Liquid waste that I continuously

Struggled to keep from slipping

Between my fingers.

My heart was used as a pincushion

For you to hold all your

Pending jagged insults.

I often found myself looking

In the mirror and thinking

"who are you?"

And the truth was… I didn’t know.

Somehow in the mess I called

"our love" the water appeared to

Boil over and seemingly

Evaporate out of our favor.

There was once a time

I believed we would be bound

as one and I thank God that you

Were merely a near miss.

And just like that…

All my fake smiles disappeared

When you did…