Near Missing

Our love was a never-ending waterfall

Of endless backfiring emotions

And late nigh cry-in-the-shower

appointments.

Out time together was a toxic

Liquid waste that I continuously

Struggled to keep from slipping

Between my fingers.

My heart was used as a pincushion

For you to hold all your

Pending jagged insults.

I often found myself looking

In the mirror and thinking

"who are you?"

And the truth was… I didn’t know.

Somehow in the mess I called

"our love" the water appeared to

Boil over and seemingly

Evaporate out of our favor.

There was once a time

I believed we would be bound

as one and I thank God that you

Were merely a near miss.

And just like that…

All my fake smiles disappeared

When you did…

Rusted

So here I am again,

Sitting under a sky

Filled with tears;

Realizing that the dreaded

Day of running back to you

Has finally come.

There was once a time

I swore to myself I would

Never fall back into your arms

Yet here I am, falling backwards

And your arms aren’t even

Ready to catch me.

Love of my Life

It only took 24 days to fall in love with you

And the way your laugh flows effortlessly out of your lips

It only took 22 days to realize that you are

Everything that I have ever wanted.

It only took 6 days to realize that your smile

Is the only smile I want to see for the rest of my life

It only took 18 days to realize that your lips

Are the only ones I want to attack with mine

For the rest of my daily existence

It only took 13 days to realize that your eyes

Are the only ones I would like to stare into

Until the day that I disappear into the earth

It only took me 27 days to realize that you are the only man

I want chasing me for the rest of my life.

It only took 16 days to realize that your hands

Are the only ones I want holding my face for the rest of forever.

Far Away Lust

You’ve gone back home

And I’m only left with your flannel.

Your scent has almost worn off

And the tears start to roll out

From the bottom lids of my eyes.

If I were to have known

That I would become so attached

I would have stayed to myself.

Then there would be no reason to cry;

No one to miss endlessly;

And no one to look forward to talking to

There would be no reason to spend my

Well earned money on gifts

That might one day be useless.

There would be no reason to cuddle

With a wrinkled piece of fabric

That I had stolen before he slipped out of state…

Again.

Living Off Hopes

I like to think

I have a strong

mindset that is

excruciatingly hard

to destroy.

I want to believe

that I don't feel

hurt; that I turn

numb when the

feelings come crawling.

I believe that

emotions are the

most lethal

Wrecking Ball

a mind creates.

I need to be reminded

often that you can

no longer be

my poison.

I have to believe

that I can tell

you “no” and

not feel all the

butterflies floating

within my stomach

drop dead.

Because hopeless romantics

like me fall too

hard over guys

like you

and it destroys

us every damn time.

Narcissistic Egotism

Ambition once

ran through my veins,

but now

depression has

taken over

the cycling scarlet.

My mind was

once a godsend,

but somehow became

filled with

calamities.

My soul used to be

an assortment of

positive thoughts,

but has transformed

into the darkest root

on a 100-year-old tree.

My own thoughts,

taken over by

false perceptions.

and all to learn

to love myself

again.

Disecting Roses

I knew how much

you enjoyed the rain,

and so the

forest I gave.

I knew how much

you envied fame

and so I made you

the star of my world.

I knew how much

you disliked the sun,

and so I carried shade.

But, I knew how

you loved the air and wind

the most,

and so, now, I’m suffocating

Rose Gold Love

You have taken every frown

that has attempted to take over my face

and replaced them with a rush of butterflies

only you can set off into fireworks with a simple smile.

You have taken every bad thought

and fought them to the death until all I can think about

is how well your demons play with mine

because without you I wouldn't know how to tame them.

You took every breath

That should have been my last

And filled my lungs with a love so strong,

It intoxicated my entire body

Throughout my veins.

You have taken every silent death wish

and turned them into the loudest

upbringing the world could see

With eight little characters.

You have taken my words

and morphed them from

ever so deadly formations of letters

to every beautiful sunrise the world has created,

You have taken my depression by the throat

And pinned it against the wall so hard

I trust it will never escape from your grasp.

You have taken every tear

That dares to leave my eyes

And stored them in the jar behind your heart

Labeled “Motivation for revenge” because

I know you will fight even the thoughts

that float within the air.

To see me smile once more.

You have taken my heart

and labeled it “His” because I could never find myself

with anyone as intoxicating as you.