Corruption

I look at me,

Reflection

In the window

And the eyes

Staring

Back at me

Are not my own.

They are

Afraid

They are

Hiding

They are

Shattered

They belong to the

Girl that I have

Become.

They have

Seen too much to

Continue with

Innocence.

These eyes,

Staring at me,

Have destroyed the

Good girl.

These eyes

Have taken me over.

Unspoken Language

I hear you talking,

But I do not understand

The words.

Yes, you are speaking

English,

But I only

Understand death.

I understand the

Feeling

Of wanting it all

To end.

I understand the

Thoughts that

Scare you into

Hiding.

I understand the pain,

And how it makes

Everything ten times harder.

I understand the

Darkness;

How it consumes

Every part of your day.

I understand the

Loneliness;

How you feel there

Is no one there.

But, I also understand

The need

To let someone in.

I understand the

Urgency

To let someone

Help you,

Help yourself

Resentful Phone Calls

I tell myself to sit down

As I’m walking towards the phone.

I tell myself to put it down

As I punch his number upon the keys.

I tell myself to hang up the phone

As he seems to form the word “hello”.

I tell myself to say “I’m fine”

As I feel the tears roll down my cheek.

I tell myself to convince him otherwise

As he proceeds to ask “What’s wrong?”.

I tell myself that he’s moved on

When he speaks the words “I miss you.”

I tell myself to form the word “Goodbye”

As I say his dreaded words right back.

I tell myself he means to harm

As my heart chimes in…

“give him one last chance”

Love Over Pain

If I could,

I would hold you in my arms

So long I would be buried

With you within me.

If I could,

I would listen to you

Every second until

Until I had listened

To my very last word.

If I could,

I would bring you every

Last storm cloud so you can

Stare out the window as

Lightning attacked the ground

If I could,

I would kiss you

Until my lips gave out and

Began to bleed.

Because that’s what love is, right?

Putting someone else’s

Happiness above your own?

Intricate Lust

This thing we had

Was like a chess match

And I was constantly

Making the first moves.

So, when you would forfeit

In mid game, only to come back

To start off as brand new.

That’s when I knew,

I’m out of first move

To make on you.

To make on you.

Learn to Let Go

I am learning to be alone…

Okay, well…

Maybe It’s not working out the best

But I am learning.

I'm moving on from you,

You're lustful eyes

That I've envied

Since the day we spoke first.

I'm moving on from my past;

All that surrounds it

Is death; natural and intended.

I'm moving on from them;

The looks they handed out

Were like poison on a

Perfect apple.

I'm moving on from where I've been,

All that is, is disappointment

Drawn out into the sand.

But most of all,

Moving on from myself,

All I have become is anxiety

And suicidal thought.

Near Missing

Our love was a never-ending waterfall

Of endless backfiring emotions

And late nigh cry-in-the-shower

appointments.

Out time together was a toxic

Liquid waste that I continuously

Struggled to keep from slipping

Between my fingers.

My heart was used as a pincushion

For you to hold all your

Pending jagged insults.

I often found myself looking

In the mirror and thinking

"who are you?"

And the truth was… I didn’t know.

Somehow in the mess I called

"our love" the water appeared to

Boil over and seemingly

Evaporate out of our favor.

There was once a time

I believed we would be bound

as one and I thank God that you

Were merely a near miss.

And just like that…

All my fake smiles disappeared

When you did…

Rusted

So here I am again,

Sitting under a sky

Filled with tears;

Realizing that the dreaded

Day of running back to you

Has finally come.

There was once a time

I swore to myself I would

Never fall back into your arms

Yet here I am, falling backwards

And your arms aren’t even

Ready to catch me.

Love of my Life

It only took 24 days to fall in love with you

And the way your laugh flows effortlessly out of your lips

It only took 22 days to realize that you are

Everything that I have ever wanted.

It only took 6 days to realize that your smile

Is the only smile I want to see for the rest of my life

It only took 18 days to realize that your lips

Are the only ones I want to attack with mine

For the rest of my daily existence

It only took 13 days to realize that your eyes

Are the only ones I would like to stare into

Until the day that I disappear into the earth

It only took me 27 days to realize that you are the only man

I want chasing me for the rest of my life.

It only took 16 days to realize that your hands

Are the only ones I want holding my face for the rest of forever.

Far Away Lust

You’ve gone back home

And I’m only left with your flannel.

Your scent has almost worn off

And the tears start to roll out

From the bottom lids of my eyes.

If I were to have known

That I would become so attached

I would have stayed to myself.

Then there would be no reason to cry;

No one to miss endlessly;

And no one to look forward to talking to

There would be no reason to spend my

Well earned money on gifts

That might one day be useless.

There would be no reason to cuddle

With a wrinkled piece of fabric

That I had stolen before he slipped out of state…

Again.

Living Off Hopes

I like to think

I have a strong

mindset that is

excruciatingly hard

to destroy.

I want to believe

that I don't feel

hurt; that I turn

numb when the

feelings come crawling.

I believe that

emotions are the

most lethal

Wrecking Ball

a mind creates.

I need to be reminded

often that you can

no longer be

my poison.

I have to believe

that I can tell

you “no” and

not feel all the

butterflies floating

within my stomach

drop dead.

Because hopeless romantics

like me fall too

hard over guys

like you

and it destroys

us every damn time.

Narcissistic Egotism

Ambition once

ran through my veins,

but now

depression has

taken over

the cycling scarlet.

My mind was

once a godsend,

but somehow became

filled with

calamities.

My soul used to be

an assortment of

positive thoughts,

but has transformed

into the darkest root

on a 100-year-old tree.

My own thoughts,

taken over by

false perceptions.

and all to learn

to love myself

again.